Position: Skater

Chad Kellmann

Chad Kellmann beat out his arch-rival Brad Spellman in order to win his spot in the WNHL, and has never looked back. Close to tasting glory as a member of the Atlas Steelers, Kellmann’s skating, puck handling abilities, and general chirps have managed to cement him in as one of the most annoying hard-working figures in the league. As an added bonus, he weirdly owns every ‘Violent Gentlemen’ shirt that has ever been made, showing that he is in it for the long-haul.

Kelly Jones

Meet the maestro of mayhem and the czar of chaos, Kelly “Commissioner Chutzpah,” the driving force behind the WNHL, the self-proclaimed “best beer league in the world.” From its humble beginnings of 20 friends playing shinny, Kelly has nurtured this league into an 8-team spectacle that’s been dubbed the “champagne of beer leagues.”
Off the ice, Kelly’s a man of mystery, the puppet master pulling the strings from behind the scenes. He’s got more connections than a tangled headset wire and the charisma of a used car salesman at a speed dating event.
But let’s not kid ourselves—when he laces up those skates, Kelly is a pure, unadulterated dick on the ice. Refs shudder in their stripes when they see him coming, as he unleashes a torrent of colorful words that even sailors would blush at. And does he back up his ceaseless trash talk with actual skills? Well, let’s just say the jury’s still out on that one. It’s like watching a Shakespearean tragedy unfold on ice, complete with dramatic falls and spectacularly missed shots.
Rumor has it that Kelly’s slapshots have their own postal codes, and his stickhandling has been likened to a drunk octopus attempting ballet. And who could forget the time he tried a triple axel during a game and ended up doing the worm instead? Classic Kelly.
So, here’s to the man who wears his title of Commissioner with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop. Kelly “Commissioner Chutzpah,” you keep us entertained on and off the ice, and for that, we raise an OV to you. May your antics be as legendary as your league. Cheers!

Jay Thom

What does Jay Thom love more than shooting things and drinking Jack Daniels? Nothing, actually. But a close third, maybe fourth, is laying down the law of the blue line with an iron fist. Jay is also no stranger to the #spatalk movement that swept the Stelcobras dressing room in 2017-18, and is an expert in hot tub installation AND maintenance. Ladies, start your engines.