WNHL Super Sunday did it again! Most importantly, our WNHL athletes, fans, and sponsors who help donate. The Merritt Islanders and Atlas Steelers raised $1760 for McMaster Children’s Hospital. Thank you to Chris Paco for the photos and video work, Willard from the announcing and the Merchant Ale House for hosting us after. Look to our next Super Sunday on November 5th 2023, featuring the Kings vs the Rose City Hockey Club at 5pm back at the Meridian Centre.
The only original four franchise still standing The Atlas Steelers are once again under new management. After Jon Campbell failed to bring the franchise a championship he stepped aside in disgrace to allow better looking management take over. The WNHL’s Ryan Seacrest, “Philthy” Phil Busby takes the reigns of the Steelers and looks to restore the franchise to their former glory. The Steelers won two of the first three King Street Cups, but fell on hard times under the management of Campbell. His strategy of drafting heavily from the Fonthill region did not pan out and fans called for his resignation. Let’s see how “Philthy” Phil reshapes the once great Steelers.
With the last pick in the first round the Steelers picked the “Walking Condominium” Lance Romance. Just an absolute menace year in and year out in the WNHL. Romance looks like a dad who is trying way to hard against his kids team. It’s a safe, can’t miss good start for the Steelers. Then Busby sent the goddamn world on fire and drafted Ryan “Scumsby” Rumsby. Rumsby is the only player in WNHL history to win back to back King Street Cups, first as a player, then after returning to his natural position, one as a goalie. This is the highest a goalie had ever been picked, Busby showed up, rocked the boat, and sent shockwaves through the GM’s table. I would argue that this pick altered the draft strategy’s of more than one GM.
Just when things started looking good for the Steelers, Busby couldn’t help himself, dipped his toe in the heated salt water Fonthill pool and picked longtime Steeler Eric “The Red Baron” Sinclair. Sinclair is a great hockey player, good locker room guy, but has only known the Steelers. It’s like going to out of town college but staying with your highschool girlfriend. Time to explore the other franchises. See what you like. No judgement here. Spread those beautiful ginger wings.
Busby then brought in two players who look and act like Fonthill people but actually aren’t. The Coke Zero’s of the WNHL, Neil “The Beautiful Idiot” Bahn, and Colin “The Pressure” Cook(er). This is a good defence combo. Bahn is an offensive defenceman without the offence, or the ability to form a coherent thought. Colin Cook is an underrated try hard defenceman who stays like a Ken doll. Dick free. The nicest person to ever steal the puck from you. He’ll even give you cookies after the game. Makes you feel better about your -2
Clearly afraid to branch out on his own Busby brought in not one, but two, former GM’s of the Atlas Steelers, creating some sort of evolution of the Atlas Steelers. Gavin “SARS” Sardella, named that because I’m 68% sure he started the SARS virus, and Jon “Camper” Campbell*, named that because he sets up camp on the the opposing blue line, return to ride shotgun to the new generation of Steeler management. (*it should be recognized that he scored a King Street Cup winning goal, preventing me from my third championship, and wilI hold an eternal grudge). Sardella knows what it takes to win, but is currently held together by duct tape. Campbell has (aside from one stupid goal) never won a goddamn thing. Brought the franchise to the dark ages.
To end the straight rounds of the draft, the Steelers picked up one of the under 30’s Liam “The Sauceman” Clarke, and two of the over 40’s Theron “My Back Hurts” Ebert and Gordie “My Everything Hurts” Hudak. Clarke uses his age advantage to see the game and move quickly, while Gordie and Theron like to get out for a nice skate once a week. Just to keep the blood flowing. At their age they can never be too safe. Busby continued the veteran presence in the straight rounds by bringing in Kelly “The Big Bossman” Jones and Pete “Dirtiest Player in the Game” Voynovich. Jones won’t bring you goals, but he’ll bring your beer, and Voynovich is known for his off ice art, and being an on ice shart to play against. They also drafted BJ Mowat.
What’s that thing they say about trying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results? Busby was given the reigns to a once great franchise and had a chance to steer the team in a new and exciting direction, but like any corporate takeover, it’s all flash, no substance. The Steelers have kept the same franchise players, they brought in old management, and aside from a flashy new logo have brought nothing new to the franchise.
Prediction – 6th Place
Crown Room Kings
As we move toward the end of the draft we find the excellently named, and mid logo’d Crown Room Kings, GM’d by “Slobby” Robby Foster. Foster might be the most battle tested GM in the WNHL. He spends his days teaching, but not just regular teaching, teaching the kids that can’t go to regular school. He’s heard and seen thing that would make you and your mother cry. He knows how to handle a room full of misfits which is why he’s a great GM in the WNHL. For the past two seasons the Kings have had great regular season success, but saw they playoffs go off the rails due to injuries. How does Foster overcome this playoff heartbreak? Let’s take a look at the Leafs of the WNHL the Crown Room Kings.
In the first two rounds the Kings went full skill by picking Skillvian Roy and Skillard. That’s a lot of skill straight out of Skilltown. Skillard comes into the new season after finally securing his first King Street Cup. See what happens when he doesn’t have the 240 lb albatross all season? Apparently one of them wins MVP. We’ve talked a lot about former first round talents falling into later rounds which means somebody has to replace them in the top rounds and that’s where we find Skillvian Roy. Bumped up to big dog status, Roy comes to the Kings looking to disprove the rumours that he is actually French. Roy and Foster will combine to lead the Kings to the All Flow Franchise.
In the next two rounds Foster dipped his toe in the rookie pool and pulled out Chewy “No nickname needed” McComber, and Dylan “Mr” Lahey. Foster once again showing the deep scouting department in the Kings organization found Chewy in the third and “Mr.” in the fourth. Chewy showed the prospect game that he is a first round talent on the ice and in the lot. Chewy is an offensive zone “Shitquake”, and “Mr” Lahey the brings the “Shiticane” from the back end and as a tandem they are a “loaded up a hair-triggered double-barreled shit machine gun, and the barrel’s pointed right at the WNHL”!
In the fifth round the Kings drafted Ethan Clark, but he was flipped at the trade deadline for Kings veteran “Big Daddy” Matty Dusso. I know when you look at Dusso you’re thinking “that guy doesn’t look like a hockey player, he obviously looks like a skier” and you’d be right. However, since moving from BC back to Ontario he finds the lack of mountains to be problematic for his alpine desires, so dirty dangles his way through the WNHL. Foster added to the core four defenceman by adding Carm “The Harm” G. (I checked for the proper spelling of his name on the website, but then realized that I run the website and haven’t known how to spell his last name for years), and Carl “The Better” Bering. Carl is the clearly the Schwarzenegger to Ryan’s Devito. The Kings double dipped on rookies again by picking “Crank the Dial” Kyle Brady, and Paul “Fan Favourite” Fanfara. Say Fan Favourite Fanfara a few times. Fanfavouritefanfara.
Now. As we all know, if you want to get to the top of the mountain, you want to lift the King Street, you need veteran leadership in the room. You need people who have gone into the trenches in the ice and in the lot. Foster knows that the Kings were an ankle injury away from glory last year, showing that he is no dummy has reunited The Fitness Line of Greg “Mr Wednesday Night” Bosak and the Icon, The Showstopper, Scotty “The Heartbreak Kid” Legend. The fitness line with Dino in between-o went wild last year and were a nightmare for the jobber goalies in the WNHL (especially named the ones named Nunn).
The Kings capped off the 2023 draft by selecting “Iron” Mike Atkinson, and Dennis “Den-Knee Mar-Tan” Martin. “Iron” Mike enters his second year and is a rose that is set to bloom under the change of management style after leaving the darkness of the Tunnellers for the sunshine of the Kings,. In the final round the Kings picked Den-Knee Mar-Tan and this has the chance to be the greatest draft pick of all time. Foster has set him up for success this year, and after looking at this roster success will follow. You are looking at your 2023 King Street Cup Champions