Merritt Islanders

Sticking with great logos we find ourselves face to face with the Merritt Islanders run by GM Ryan “I have a question” Daniels. There is nobody in the WNHL with his, let’s call it attention to detail. Even with all this attention the Islanders still found themselves in third place in 2019. Can Daniels right the ship, or will the Islanders run aground in the Welland Canal? Let’s analyze the Islanders.

In a historic move Daniels drafted an unproven rookie in the first round by taking Shawn Boychuk. This puts an incredible amount of pressure for the rookie to live up to especially since he was drafted strictly to pass Daniels the puck. In the second round, Daniels surprised absolutely nobody and selected Willard. What can you say about one of history’s greatest love stories. They are like Romeo and Juliet, in that they should both drink poison.

Daniels added to the veteran presence by drafting longtime WNHLers Tyler “The Original TJ” Stack and Jeff “Toe Drag” Donaldson. Stack, a veteran in the WNHL, also brings leadership experience as he was the first GM to win a WNHL All Star Game, while Donaldson was last seen trying to toe drag his grandmother. For the first time in a long time TJ will be the only Stack in the WNHL with his brother moving to an unknown location. I’m not sure where it is I just know you have to turn right to get there. Sandwiched in between these long time players is Pat Riley who impressed in his rookie year last season, not only with his play but also by way of long and established career in an NBA front office, which is a joke I’m sure he’s never heard before.

In another unprecedented move Daniels made the first ever mid draft trade by sending over Andy Doyle to the Atlas Steelers in return for Gav “Syphilis” Sardella. Daniels then picked up Carm “Probably not even close to his last name, but I know it ends in a vowel” Gugliemi to complete the greasiest blueline you’ve ever seen. (By greasy I mean in terms of their hockey skills and abilities. This should not be intended in any other way).

Looking at a lineup with guys like Daniels and Willard, mixed with floaters like Donaldson and Stack, the Islanders knew they needed some actual work ethic, and they went and found it in the championship rounds. Bringing in Shawn “Greyhound” McKinnon, who earned the nickname by riding a bus from Hamilton to play in the WNHL, Shawn “The Hacker” Strohak, and Evan “Spielberg” Fabiani. In my opinion, these are some strong selections for the Islanders. Somebody has to dig the puck out of the corners for all the prima donnas on this team.

Finally we come to the last two rounds, and two of the most controversial picks in the draft. Pete “Peewee” Voynovich and Dev “Belmont” Skinner. Are there two more polarizing players in the WNHL? I want to rephrase that question because one has to play to be considered a player in the WNHL. In one corner you have Pete Voynovich, who is one of the most beloved WNHL players off the ice, is so friendly he insists on hugging you on the ice. He will apologize profusely while he pulls on your jersey preventing a break away. Will actual referees find his on ice antics as charming?

Then in the other corner….well…

The Islanders will be a group to watch this year, there is a lot of top end, some might say soft, talent, and some good workhorses. Can they mesh under Daniels unique management style? Will texts at 2 a.m. with personalized game plans be a bother to players? Will the clients at Daniels work care that they are putting pucks in the net but the defence is killing them? Lots of questions for the Islanders this year, but still less than Daniels.

The quest for the King Street Cup begins October 7th, against the Atlas Steelers.

Lincoln Street Legends

Moving on from the leagues worst logo to one of the leagues best the Lincoln Street Legends. Almost cementing their title as Legends after finishing first place in the 2019 regular season as an expansion team. If GM Jay “Throw it up the middle” Thom looks to replicate that success he’s going to have find it from the fourth spot in the draft where dreams go to die. Let’s kill his dreams.

Coming out of the blocks Jay Thom went both ways and picked a WNHL O.G. and perennial first round draft pick Allan Cockell, and followed it by drafting Corey “Fauxhawk” Hutchinson. We here in the WNHL believe that the fauxhawk is the worst kind of hawk after “Mo” and “actual”. Thom selected Dryden in the third round. On the draft board he is listed as Dryden M. as in missed most of the season last year. So in the first three rounds you have the loudest, worst dressed and most absent all going to the Legends. Sounds fun.

Moving into the middle rounds, the Legends looked to balance out the unlikeable with a couple of the more likeable guys in the league, Rob “The Professor” Foster and Bill “Prince William” Crum. The flow that Foster brings to the rink will work to counteract the fauxhawk overload in the room, while Crum will bring some Fonthill class to a group of degenerates.

Jay Thom followed suit of the other three teams and brought in a familial matchup by drafting brothers Chris “Henrik” and Greg “Daniel” Bosak, who are just like the Sedins if the Sedins diet consisted of nothing but booze and weed with the occasional Rex pizza thrown in the mix. The four weeks that Cousin Save joins the team will bring the familial impact to three and give the Legends a boost on the ice and in the parking lots.

Moving into the championship rounds Thom looked to be on the right side of the law by bringing back Mike Law and following up by drafting Kris “Don’t call me a bus driver” Habjan. Then, just to ensure his team wins the title for most unlikeable, the Legends brought in Chad “Beavertail” Kellman. Nobody in the history of this game can call for a pass like Kellman.

The Legends will have a target on their back this year due to last years strong performance and the overall unlikeability of the team. Will the Legends respond like champions or will they go down like a bunch of whiney middle aged dudes complaining about not having enough guns?

The Legends quest to the top begins October 7th vs the Dain City Dusters.

Dain City Dusters

The Dain City Dusters and GM Brian “Ridiculous last name” Baz are next in our series of season previews. Drafting third the Dusters were looking to replicate the success of their inaugural season which saw them finish second in the regular season. Will Baz be able to build on his solid expansion year, or will this year’s team look worse than their logo? Let’s judge the Dain City Dusters.

In the first round, in what may be a bit of a surprise, the Dusters found themselves staring face to face with two time Andy Bosak award winner and former first overall draft pick Dalton Wilson. When asked how he felt about falling to third overall Wilson didn’t say anything, because he never says anything about anything. In the next few rounds the Dusters went hunting and came back with a Chicken and The Rat himself Chris Accursi. Accursi a former GM brings solid leadership to the dressing room along with the knowledge on how to not win the King Street Cup.

After picking the most rookies last year the Dusters stayed the course and picked up newcomer Tom Napper, whose impressive performance in the prospects game led to his third round selection, along with Mike “Never trust a guy with two first names” Kelly, Josh “I grew up on a Rue” Lefrancois, and Al “There are four Al’s in this league” Clark. Rumors of a rager of a rookie party at Little Nashville’s broke out after a photo of the group surfaced on social media.

Also joining the Dusters are a solid Rose City trio of Jake Hope, Kelly Jones and Tall Al. A third line that represents all three parts of Welland, the East, West and French. A smart move by Baz to draft our beloved commish, as not only do you get the player, but he manages the beer and the music for you leaving the GM free to make any last minute adjustments to the line up or to get a little more drunk. Ever since he escaped from the circus and joined the WNHL, Le Grand Alain has quietly turned into a reliable third line player, who has even had started the transition to defence, using that 9 foot stick like a serpent’s tongue to break up plays.

Finally, not to be outdone by drafting brothers, the Dain City Dusters will be the first team in WNHL history to have a father and son suiting up for the same team. Dave and Callum Gomez will join the Dusters and ensure a season of awkwardness every time somebody makes a sex joke in the dressing room.

The 2020-2021 Dain City Dusters look to build on last years success. To do this Baz will have to rely on the rookies on his team to find the same success as last year’s group while at the same time hoping the veterans in the WNHL don’t die of embarrassment from having a logo that Baz most certainly drew himself.

The Dusters journey to the King Street Cup starts October 7th against the Lincoln Street Legends.