Q: Two Times, thanks for sitting down with me today. The first question I have for you is, how do you handle the pressure of being a two time champion and future first ballot WNHL Hall of Famer?
A: That’s a good question, thanks for asking. Obviously the weight of two WNHL rings can weigh heavy at times, I just go out and play each game the same way I always have. Hard up the ice, half ass back check, and then to the bench where I try not to die.
Q: That’s the best answer I’ve ever heard in all my days as a journalist. This year you’re a Townline Tunneler, how do you compare this team to your previous championship teams?
A: Listen, there isn’t a comparison. The Kings dropped the ball when they picked Chris “Coat Tails” Woods without me on his team. We all know his rings were earned with MY blood, sweat and tears. He was just there to reap the rewards of playing on a line with Cockell and myself. It’s clear the Kings are a Fonthill team and can not handle the Welland grit that I bring. The Stelcobras drafted Kellman before me, in case you’re wondering why they are sitting at 0 wins. It’s like Kanye said, “Too many Urkels on your team, that’s why your Winslow”. The Steelers picked Jon Campbell before me. I hope they own farms, because they drafted a great cherry picker. The Townline Tunnelers are legit championship contenders. We will go bar down on your sister.
Q: Wow, great insight! You are a real pleasure to interview. Final question, why are you sometimes called the Kevin Stevens of the WNHL?
A: The way I see it, the WNHL is a lot like the 91-92 Penguins. Sometimes you get to play on lines with Lemieux and Kovalev, and other times you get caught doing lines while banging whores. Either way it’s Kevin Stevens approved.