Townline Tunnellers
Owners of possibly the best logo in the league, the Townline Tunnelers, led by GM Craig Laro, are coming back after a season more disappointing then the last season of Game of Thrones (according to nerds on the internet). Laro looking to restore the team to it’s former greatness will be doing so with the second pick in the draft. Let’s have a look at what the Tunnellers did at the draft and tell them all the places they screwed up.
In the first round the Tunnellers picked Cockell. Surprise surprise right in your goddamn eyes. Cockell going in the first round is as predictable as him calling somebody a piece of shit on Twitter. (follow Cockell on twitter, it’s a wild ride). In the second round the Tunnellers selected Dino “The Kid” Maddalena. Unreal guy. Nothing negative to say about The Kid. This dude names his stick “Showtime”, how can you not like that? In the third round Laro secured the back end by drafting Colin “Holier Than A” Nunn. (I know I used that joke last year but it’s a 10/10). Thing about Nunn is he’s a good goalie, and he does cool stuff like this:
Laro is a veteran GM, he’s been around the block. He’s led the Tunnellers to a King Street Cup Championship, he knows that good teams require balance. You saw in the first few rounds, how Cockell is balanced out with Dino. The Tunnellers picked Pat “Try Hard” Riley, and then immediately balanced that out with a Cboz, AND an Al Jones. That’s a lot of room capital to have to spend to balance out what Pat Riley brings. (intensity and dickishness).
Laro followed the blue print to the King Street Cup and locked down the blue line in the next two rounds. Joining Laro on the blue line will be the founder of the Crown Room Kings and longtime defenceman Eryn “The Chef” Warden and James “The” Mahon. The depth of the league stands how here, because after and outstanding rookie campaign “The” was still available in the eighth round. He’s an oak tree of a human who can skate. You know what? It’s probably because of his blue pants. He’s not popular enough to stand out.
Speaking of balance, the Tunnellers picked Grant Vash “eesh” and the Jeff “Psycho” Saylor in back to back rounds. Both of these players are psychopaths but on opposite ends of the spectrum. Saylor put pineapple on his pizza, ate it with a knife and fork and then did this to his own teammate;
In the championship rounds the Tunnellers finished off the roster by grabbing Scott “Marsha” Brady, Tommy “Wood Sticks” Muir and Alex “The Rizz God” Rysdale. I don’t know much about Scott Brady but he has the same first name as me, so I don’t like him. Tommy Wood Sticks is a great room guy brought in to balance out the unlikable Scott Brady (seriously dude, change your name) and I heard that Rysdale rizzed up Livvy Dunne. (that’s a sentence that only makes sense to the under 30’s in our league).
Throughout the draft Laro displayed his veteran GM knowledge by keeping a balanced of dick to non dick players. It should served him well through the season. The defence and goaltending are strong. Cockell, Dino, Riley and Cboz provide a good scoring front. Is it enough to garner a championship? Close but no blunt.