Season Preview – Part 6

Crown Room Kings

The mightily named and terribly logoed Crown Room Kings sat in the sixth spot of the draft. After taking over as GM last year Rob “Robbie Foe” Foster and the Kings took the league by storm with a strong second place regular season finish. Going into the playoffs the Kings were favoured to make a King Street Cup appearance, then tragedy struck. The playoff inexperience showed and the Kings found themselves playing in the Toilet Bowl for the last place in the WNHL. How do the Kings recover from such a monumental collapse? How do you pick yourself up after getting kicked in the dick so hard? (Guess you could ask the Bills eh? It’s a football joke for football season).

I’m going to catch heat for this one.

One of the main reasons the Kings struggled in the playoffs last years was the absence of Peter “Mugshot” Nun. Mugsy, a big minute eater for the Kings suffered a season ending leg injury last season which led to the above mentioned dick kicking. The Kings wasted no time resigning Nun with a first round pick. In the second round the Kings drafted the first ever professional athlete to play in the WNHL. After hanging up the Ol’ Stick and Basket (I have no idea what lacrosse slang is) former Buffalo Bandit, and current WNHL rookie Mike “Moxie” Hominuck returns to his roots, Welland Hockey. The adjustment should be an easy one as the beers go down the same in both dressing rooms.

Pictured: Crown Room Kings second round pick

Foster stayed hot in the draft and picked up Dirty Dino Danglina in the 3rd round. Dino shares the rare distinction with Cockell of being the only two players to ever make Dalton snap. Dino is a great room addition for the Kings and will be joined by the always reliable “The Real Deal” Neil Bahn. Appearing out of a cloud of smoke Matt “Double Dabs” Dusso joins the Kings and brings with him smooth hands and even smoother dabs. The Kings brought in two rookies in the next two rounds with Darren “Double D’s” Dimarco, and Jeff “The Psychopath” Saylor. Why psychopath you ask? Saylor was seen after a prospects game eating pineapple pizza with a knife and fork. If that’s the kind of first impression you are not afraid to make, in a league centered around pizza, you clearly have at minimum psychopathic tendencies.

I just listed #1 and #2.

I’ve spoken often of the importance of a good room here at The Kings have already set a solid foundation with the above mentioned players, however, as we progress to what we call the championship rounds, (because let’s be honest, this is where championships are won and lost), Foster took over the draft and established what may be WNHL Hall of Fame room. Starting with the tendy, Dave “Cousin Save” Bradley will bring his Felix Potvin like reflexes to the Kings. (That’s a really good joke. I’m very happy with that one). Save is always good for a pregame beer and dart, and a post game beers and darts. Kings continued with Jake “Falls A Lot For A Boxer” Hope, and then brought in the missing piece. The championship pedigree. The two time WNHL All Star Champion. The two time King Street Cup Champion. The 2021 Xmas Classic Champion. You’ve heard of the skid, you know what he did.

Future First Ballot Hall of Famer, Scotty “Two Times” Legend.

You think to yourselves, “Damn hes’ right and handsome, that is a hall of fame room”. But wait. There’s more. In the final three rounds, Foster brought in The Godfather of the WNHL Kelly “The Dicktator” Jones, who takes over as room manager, supplier of beers and room DJ. (Which is something I haven’t talked about yet but room DJ sets the tone and nobody brings a party like DJKJ.

The Kings resigned a pair from last years club that were an unquestionable part of their success Chris “Brittle Bones” Paco who’ll miss the first half of the season due to a 3 Stooges like bicycle accident, and the two time King Street Cup Champion, the longest reigning King Street Cup Champion, future first ballot hall of famer in the room category, you’re friend, my friend, everybody’s friend, “Mr. Welland” Greg Bosak.

I will use this picture as much as possible. Put it on a shirt

Prediction: 1st