As we continue on in our draft preview, we turn our attention to the GM’s that we not so blessed by the draft balls of destiny. The GM’s who are left to pick the scraps of each round. Who was able to pick up the pieces of their terrible draft lottery performance and assemble a ragtag scrappy group of underdogs that will overcome the odds and rise to a King Street Cup Championship?
Lincoln Street Legends
Beginning the best of the worst is the Lincoln Street Legends helmed by longtime WNHL defenceman Jay Thom. Some call him the Mike Keenan of the WNHL, and no nonsense GM who demands the best of his players, others just call him a dick. Either way he’s driving the bus so get on board or get the hell out of the way.
Sticking with his “old school” approach, Jay Thom jumped in the way back machine and brought two players out of retirement in the first three rounds. Marty “Party Mew” Pew comes back into the WNHL after brings with him out the slums of Toronto and Hamilton, Phil “The Thrill” Busby. Marty is known as a puck moving defenceman who will distribute some crisp tape to tapers, Busby is a tall center who, well, let’s just say he prefers the puck possession game.
Jay Thom also drafted Boots. So there’s that. Will we learn his name this year? At this point I don’t even want to. Just let him show up five minutes before, fly around the ice, get mad at Billy T. and go home immediately after the game. Everybody’s happy.
Staying true to their old school roots and just in case you thought of fucking around, the Legends bring in Tom “Go To Sleep” Napper and Jake “You Have No” Hope to keep teams in line. Probably best not to fuck around, you know?
Moving into the later rounds the Legends tried a different strategy of drafting reformed goalies in back to back rounds with Jeff “Toe Drag” Donaldson and rookie Matt “Matty B” Backshall. Donaldson is free to play out of Cockell’s shadow and will toe drag you into dust, while not much is known about the rookie Backshall. Can tell you this much though, he has a $100,000 backyard but parties in his driveway.
The Legends kept it safe in the late rounds of the draft by picking up Callum “Don’t Call Me Dave” Gomez, Spins (hard to give a nickname to a guy who is only a nickname), and in surprise move, making a draft day trade to pick up Nate “Marsha” Brady sending Tall Al to the Dusters. To close out the draft Jay Thom (JT) went back to back TJ’s, picking up T.J. Hatton and T.J.V.B. I’m thinking this is some weird ego thing with Jay Thom and he probably goes home and rosterbates to the thought of it.
The nostalgia tour doesn’t work. Legends finish in sixth.
Dain City Dusters
Moving on to the fifth pick in the draft the Dain City Dusters led by GM Bryan Bazalewski, who is feeling inspired with the new logo and is looking to find a team in the leftover scraps of the WNHL
Baz started the draft by picking up Ryan “The Manther” Bering. In order to keep the high scoring diva happy Baz grabbed his brother Carl “Carling” Bering in the FIF! Like the Sedin’s their power is multiplied when they are playing together. The Dusters anchored the blue line with Dryden who can dazzle with one of the most impressive mustaches in the league, and Chicken.
Looking to solidify the offence the Dusters added the Red Eye Jedi’s Chris “C Boz” Bosak and Matt “Deuce” Dusso. Nobody even sees them show up to the game, they just appear out of a cloud of reefer, bury a couple each, and then it’ see you in the parking lot.
The Dusters know if you want to win a championship you need championship pedigree, you need players who know what it takes to lift the hardware. The Dusters took care of this by picking up “Greasy” Gav Sardella GM of the first ever King Street Cup winning and possibly greatest WNHL franchise of all time, The ’16-17 Atlas Steelers. Kris “The Hammer” Habjan,the Scott Niedermayer of the WNHL. From Xmas Classics to King Street Cups there is nothing he has not won.. Then, in the 9th round is when the Dusters solidified the winning pedigree by selecting the two time WNHL All Star Game Champion, the two time King Street Cup champion, the future first ballot hall of famer, you’ve heard of the kid you know what he did, Scotty “Two Times” MacLeod.
The Dusters used their late round picks very wisely to balance out the tremendous ego’s they brought in some great room guys with Le Grande Alain who has had is career reborn after transitioning to defence, Kevin Dyson who does anything but suck, and making his return to the WNHL, “Bi-Polar” Billy Topolinski. Billy is fired up for his return to the WNHL, and has been quoted as saying he’ll fight sombodys mother to win the King Street Cup this year.
Dusters have all the pieces of the puzzle. They finish first.
Finally, the last but absolutely not least, The Atlas Steelers and the GM Jon “L0Ser” Campbell. (Get it? It’s a Fonthill joke). Campbell is known for two things in the WNHL, scoring the King Street Cup winning goal in 2019, and building some of the best rooms in the league. Can he put it all together in 21-22 and bring the King Street Cup to places it was never meant to go?
In the first two rounds Campbell stayed true to his strategy of sticking with his hometown boys, by grabbing Mark “Dangles” Doyle and “Marvelous” Mike Podio. The also drafted Frankie Mauro who I don’t know a lot about, but I think he’s also a Fonthillian. (For the purpose of this writing he’ll be Fonthillian). Noticeably absent is longtime Steeler Eric Sinclair. I’m sure he’s missing the season for super legit reasons.
However, Campbell did shift gears this year by dipping heavy into the rookie pool. After impressing in the prospect game, Craig “Dunzo” Dunsby was picked in the third round this year, putting a lot of pressure on the first year player and former Centennial Cougar. The Steelers also selected Jeff “The Bod” Bodden, Phil “Housley” Houser and David “New” Tucker, who has a big name to carry in the WNHL.
The Steelers added some intensity into the lineup with Steve “Wonder” Wurfel, and whatever the opposite of intensity is with Gord “Hoots” Hudak, who the Steelers had to settle for after long time Steeler Scotty Two Times was selected by the Dain City Dusters. One pick ahead of Gordie. Campbell brought a calming influence into the balance by adding Al “Do It All” Jones, the new and improved Henry “Weeeeeeeeens” Wiens who is out to avenge his Mr. Irrelevant title and Dave “The Inspector” Gomez, who has been quoted as saying he will “break Callum’s ankle this year. What’s he going to do? Call the cops”? Followed by an evil laugh.
3rd. Middle of the pack finish for a middle of the pack team.
This concludes our 2021-22 season preview. All the talking is done. The answers can only be found on the ice. For the first time in the Original Six Era the King Street Cup will be awarded. Will it find itself protected in a bridgeless Dain City or resting quietly on a trail on Merritt Island? Will the Cup take a victory cruise along Lincoln Street on an E-Bike or just setting up shop in the Crown Room? Will it bask in the sulfur of the Townline Tunnel or back home in the blast furnace of a Welland Steel Factory? Only one way to find out. Crack the beers, hit the ice, then crack the beers again The WNHL is back.