Season Preview – Part 7

Crown Room Kings

As we move toward the end of the draft we find the excellently named, and mid logo’d Crown Room Kings, GM’d by “Slobby” Robby Foster. Foster might be the most battle tested GM in the WNHL. He spends his days teaching, but not just regular teaching, teaching the kids that can’t go to regular school. He’s heard and seen thing that would make you and your mother cry. He knows how to handle a room full of misfits which is why he’s a great GM in the WNHL. For the past two seasons the Kings have had great regular season success, but saw they playoffs go off the rails due to injuries. How does Foster overcome this playoff heartbreak? Let’s take a look at the Leafs of the WNHL the Crown Room Kings.

Like this, but way, way hairier

In the first two rounds the Kings went full skill by picking Skillvian Roy and Skillard. That’s a lot of skill straight out of Skilltown. Skillard comes into the new season after finally securing his first King Street Cup. See what happens when he doesn’t have the 240 lb albatross all season? Apparently one of them wins MVP. We’ve talked a lot about former first round talents falling into later rounds which means somebody has to replace them in the top rounds and that’s where we find Skillvian Roy. Bumped up to big dog status, Roy comes to the Kings looking to disprove the rumours that he is actually French. Roy and Foster will combine to lead the Kings to the All Flow Franchise.

In the next two rounds Foster dipped his toe in the rookie pool and pulled out Chewy “No nickname needed” McComber, and Dylan “Mr” Lahey. Foster once again showing the deep scouting department in the Kings organization found Chewy in the third and “Mr.” in the fourth. Chewy showed the prospect game that he is a first round talent on the ice and in the lot. Chewy is an offensive zone “Shitquake”, and “Mr” Lahey the brings the “Shiticane” from the back end and as a tandem they are a “loaded up a hair-triggered double-barreled shit machine gun, and the barrel’s pointed right at the WNHL”!

Chewy and Lahey rolling up on Wednesday in the New Yorker

In the fifth round the Kings drafted Ethan Clark, but he was flipped at the trade deadline for Kings veteran “Big Daddy” Matty Dusso. I know when you look at Dusso you’re thinking “that guy doesn’t look like a hockey player, he obviously looks like a skier” and you’d be right. However, since moving from BC back to Ontario he finds the lack of mountains to be problematic for his alpine desires, so dirty dangles his way through the WNHL. Foster added to the core four defenceman by adding Carm “The Harm” G. (I checked for the proper spelling of his name on the website, but then realized that I run the website and haven’t known how to spell his last name for years), and Carl “The Better” Bering. Carl is the clearly the Schwarzenegger to Ryan’s Devito. The Kings double dipped on rookies again by picking “Crank the Dial” Kyle Brady, and Paul “Fan Favourite” Fanfara. Say Fan Favourite Fanfara a few times. Fanfavouritefanfara.

Now. As we all know, if you want to get to the top of the mountain, you want to lift the King Street, you need veteran leadership in the room. You need people who have gone into the trenches in the ice and in the lot. Foster knows that the Kings were an ankle injury away from glory last year, showing that he is no dummy has reunited The Fitness Line of Greg “Mr Wednesday Night” Bosak and the Icon, The Showstopper, Scotty “The Heartbreak Kid” Legend. The fitness line with Dino in between-o went wild last year and were a nightmare for the jobber goalies in the WNHL (especially named the ones named Nunn).

Me and GBoz on the way to the net while our center dekes out like four guys

The Kings capped off the 2023 draft by selecting “Iron” Mike Atkinson, and Dennis “Den-Knee Mar-Tan” Martin. “Iron” Mike enters his second year and is a rose that is set to bloom under the change of management style after leaving the darkness of the Tunnellers for the sunshine of the Kings,. In the final round the Kings picked Den-Knee Mar-Tan and this has the chance to be the greatest draft pick of all time. Foster has set him up for success this year, and after looking at this roster success will follow. You are looking at your 2023 King Street Cup Champions

Prediction – 1st Place

P.S. This Iron Mike. Not Tyson