Author: Scott Macleod

Season Preview – Part 5

Lincoln Street Legends

We are really down in the drudges with this preview. Jay Thom returns as GM of one of the best logoed teams in the WNHL the Lincoln Street Legends. Under his reign as GM Thom has won exactly nothing. There was that one year that they looked good, but then the whole world decided that shutting down was the better option than letting the Legends get their greasy paws on the most coveted of all trophies the King Street Cup. The Legends sat in the five spot in the draft, let’s take a look at how they already screwed their season.

In the first round the Legends picked from last years call up list Blair Boychuck. This is the second Boychuck to be drafted in the first round, and if my memory serves, it’s the first time we’ve seen brothers go in the first round. Unfortunately for the Legends, at the time of this article, they have been unable to come to terms with a contract with Boychuck, who will sit out the beginning of the season. The Legends reached to the scrap pile and pulled up Marty “Party Mew” Pew to fill the spot. That’s a good start for the Legends. Unfortunately for the Legends there is more than one round to the draft.

In the second round the Legends picked up last years call up Brock “Conky” Conklin, and followed this up by selecting Chris “The River Rat” Accursi, who put up a whopping 5 goal, 12 point season, and followed this up by scoring 0 in the playoffs. A 5 goal scorer in the third rounds is a bold strategy, and combining that with hopefully a 10 goal scorer in Conky have set the Legends behind the 8 ball right off the hop.

I can score 15. Maybe.

In the next few rounds the Legends got back on track and selected Brian Barker, who most likely would have been rookie of the year last year if Kevin Wright didn’t set the league on fire with his play. Barker scored a lot of goals and most likely should have been a first or second round pick, but we discussed what the Legends did in those spots. Legends kept the motorized wheelchair rolling and picked Carm (not even trying to spell his last name but it ends with a vowel) and Pat “Hey Try Hard, Try Harder” Riley who boldly declared that he would score 20 this year, which is quite the statement for a guy who was drafted in the sixth round. The Legends then hitched the wheelchair to last years most improved player, goalie, Drewbie the Newbie. He made strides last year, and he looks to continue his ascent to the top of the WNHL goalie ladder.

Legends going all in on the theme this year

Legends then dove head first into the rookie pool by selecting, Dave “Bruce” Nolan, and the cast off brothers, Kyle Brady and Charles Marcoux. Separated from their families, and most likely terrified, these two will look to form their own familial bonds through the season. The Legends also picked up Ryan Hazely, who I hope smokes weed because that a great weed smoking name. Jay Thom finished the draft will a couple key room guys, Kevin “Jr. Jackfish” Dyson and Johnny Msir, who has been in this league forever and I still couldn’t pick him out of a lineup.

I think he’s number 7?

In my not so humble opinion the Legends have not drafted a King Street Cup calibre team. They struggled last year, they’ll struggle again this year. The question now is if Jay Thom can keep the room from turning on each other.

Prediction: 8th

Season Preview – Part 4

Rose City Hockey Club

We move now to the first of two expansion teams for the 22-23 season the well named Rose City Hockey Club (RCHC). Longtime WNHLer Mike Podio has rose to the ranks from 4th line scrub all the way up to general manager. Handed the reigns of his own franchise Podio nailed his first decision as GM by with the branding of the new team. Can he follow it up an select a team worthy of playing under such a great name. Let’s analyze, scrutinize and criticize.

Right off the blocks RCHC got their franchise player in former MVP Dalton ‘Huge Nerd” Wilson. This is a great pick if you like eggheads who do math equations on the bench. Just real nerd shit. RCHC made a bold choice in the second round by grabbing Silvan “Still Can’t Believe He’s Not French” Roy. Last year in his rookie season Roy made an impact on the WNHL and finished top 10 in scoring. RCHC obviously feels that he can continue to grow after spending the offseason training by crushing OV’s and Rex six slicers.

Pictured: Dalton Wilson

Podio continued to strengthen the defence by drafting Brian “Straight Outta Chippawa” Rusnov. Rusnov a rookie to the WNHL comes over after a successful career manning the blue line for the Chippawa franchise before they folded. They followed this pick with Ben Brown who is as exciting as his name would suggest. RCHC tipped their cards a bit through the middle rounds and drafted last years call up, Ryan St. Pierre, former Islanders GM Ryan “Hold the S” Daniel, and Callum Gomez. It would appear the RCHC does not want people talking in the room. So he addressed this need by picking three players that don’t or possibly are unable to talk.

Podio when Daniel tries to offer former GM advice with his 0 King Street Cups.

RCHC hitched their goalie wagon to Dean Dean the Goalie Machine. Dean has had his ups and downs in the WNHL and is recovering from a knee injury that kept him out of action for some time, Dean is looking to rebound and regain his average goalie status. RCHC also doubled up on the Brady brothers, bringing Nate “Dogg” Brady and his brother Scott “Not a Legend” Brady. However, RCHC then split up the Marcoux brothers drafting only Shawn, while GM Mike Podio was heard saying that Charles isn’t even worth the breath it would take to say his name. (His words not mine). RCHC locked down their room presence with Shawn “The Terrace Ave. Workhouse” who hasn’t found a corner he won’t grind,. and straight from the circus, you’re favourite freakshow and mine, Le Grand Alain. RCHC has a good team to launch the franchise, but not good enough.

Prediction: 5th

Tall Al on his way to play some of the softest defence you’ve ever seen

Season Preview – Part 3

The Pelham Effing Hams

Much like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, we have the Pelham Effing Hams arising from the blunt ashes of the Dain City Dusters. The Dusters struggled through their existence in the WNHL bringing home zero King Street Cups, zero first place finishes, zero fans. Some would point to the closure of the both the Dain City Tavern and the Bridge really struck a blow to the fanbase of the Dusters, others would point to their original logo as one that actually repelled fans from aligning themselves with a team that looks like the logo was drawn by a 16 year old that just tried their first beer.

Tough start for the Dusters

After negations for a new arena broke down, the Dusters set fire to the old arena and Baz walked away looking all badass while it exploded behind him. Baz then wandered the wastelands until he struck a deal with Pelham to set up shop again. (It’s important to note the difference between Pelham and Fonthill. One has farms, one has streets made of gold). The Pelham Effing Hams are now an established franchise and ready to take on the world. Baz had the third overall pick and last year’s Dan Girardi award winner, rookie of the year and King Street Cup champion Kevin Wright fell “right” (see what i did there)?in his lap. That a franchise player for the Effing Hams. Baz no doubt recognized one of the problems that plagued the Dusters was year was keeping the puck out of their own net, so Baz doubled down on defenceman and picked up “Goddamn” Boots, and former Mark Laforest award winner Anthony Young. That is a strong defensive core which is needed because if you think Jon Campbell doesn’t play in his own zone. Baz makes him look like a less french looking Patrice Bergeron.

Baz backchecking 2 minutes into a 7 minute shift

With all that defence, where are the goals going to come from? Apparently from a cloud of reefer, as the “Red Eye Jedi” Chris Bosak takes over responsibility for the Effing Hams offence. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a guy who is likely 4 beers and 3 blunts deep by puck drop. Baz added rookie Michael “Resistance is Futile” Borg before jumping back on the “d” (see what i did there?) and picking up Carl “Good To See You” Bering. Effing Hams hoping the Tunnelers strategy of backend first, but the Tunnelers have Cockell, Baz picked up on Jeff “Clean Sheets” Donaldson. It’s like getting the Oates, or the Garfunkel, or either one of Seals and Croft of the WNHL. Donaldson was once feared in this league for his lethal toe drag, but like Samson when Donny lost his beard he lost his toe dragging power.

D Man working on his defensive game this year

The Effing Hams didn’t shy away from the rookies by picking up Albert “What’s what’s app” Garofalo, Steve Pellerin and Jon Loisel who I don’t know well enough to make fun of them on Al Gore’s internet yet. The Effing Hams TJVB from the Lincoln Street Legends and to top of the room the Effing Hams went both ways by added league favourite Kyle “How many jokes can I make about him selling pills” Boggio and league pariah Chad “Beavertails” Kellman. The Effing Hams quest for the cup starts on Wednesday, but will come up short due to lack of scoring.

Prediction: 5th