Season Preview – Part 4

Lincoln Street Legends

So close. Yet so far. The Legends, led by the very likeable, the easy to get along with, my friend, your friend, friend of the refs, Jay “Ray of Sunshine” Thom made it all the way to the dance last year only to lose in humiliating fashion to the Merritt Islanders. I won’t post the score as to save Jay Thom more embarrassment, but it was a lot to a little. So how does Jay Thom pick himself up off the dirt yet again to face another year in the Champagne of Beer Leagues? Let’s have a look at the Buffalo Bills (consistent losers) of the WNHL.

In the first round the Legends made the safe pick by grabbing Dalton Wilson. Wilson a longtime WNHL defenceman has garnered enough individual hardware to open up a Home Depot, however, still finds himself on the wrong end of the likeability scale for three reasons; 1)Math Nerd, 2)Bad Mustache,(trying to affiliate with us good mustache guys. Mike Atkinson I’m looking at you) and 3) the worst offence of them all, becoming a firefighter. Now he can help bankrupt municipalities while sleeping for 8-10 hours a night. What a hero.

Sorry guys, can’t make the game I’m busy making $100,000 a year

The Legends, now with Jay Thom and Dalton Wilson on the blue line, looked to find some scoring and picked the Mariah Carey of the WNHL, Ryan “Queen Diva” Bering. Bering a former first round pick has now fallen to the second round with the rumours being that he is difficult to manage in the dressing room. Look, dudes from Fonthill, they run different. They are born with a sense of superiority that only comes after being told since birth that 892 means I’m better than you. Bering is hoping for a bounce back year and the rumours are that he found a spray tan that won’t run when he sweats, so he’s at least got that going for him.

In the third and fourth rounds we see the dichotomy of two picks, one being the most overrated and the other being the most underrated players in the WNHL. In the third round the Legends picked up Christ “Rat Fink” Accursi. This can generously be described as a bit of a reach. Accursi seemingly passes the eye test. Seems friendly in the room, good skater, good puck control, but when you look deeper is when you find out that Accursi is the biggest fraud in the WNHL. Year after year he’s drafted in the top rounds yet has reached double digit goals just twice in his career, if he manages to show up to more than half the games. His inflated assist totals will take a hit when Brock “Conky” Conklin can no longer carry his game. His game is as fake as his handshake. In the fourth round however, we have the ONLY 3 time King Street Cup Champion, a league MVP, a scoring champion and a player that’s full of passion, Chris “Hall of Fame” Woods. This absolute disrespect by leaving this kind of resume until the fourth round, but apparently Legends just had to have a overrated rat in the previous rounds. Anybody else think it’s weird that they drafted two players back to back with combined height of six feet? (Throw Ryan “Tiny” Bering in there while we’re talking about it)

Jay Thom trying to find adult sized hockey players

In the middle rounds the Legends secured the mid level talent in the draft by picking up Mike “I just need a break for a year or two” Watson, Aron “A-Ron” Bahn and rookie Spencer Cook. Cook had some impressive outings in the prospects game, but still needs to prove himself in the show. Mike Watson returns after an impressive rookie year that apparently took so much out of him he needed a break for two years. The mental and physical toll of the WNHL is real. Aron Bahn who has finally adapted to the league and manages to play even if his brother is not on the same team, which is a big step for him. We here at are all very proud. The Bahn brothers are interesting because one looks like he was chiseled out of marble, while the other looks like he eats marbles.

No, Aron Bahn. It is not.

The Legends micicked the the Crowland Murder “triple b” picks by going full WWE and picking triple H. Hugye, Habjan, and Hatton. Chris “Hillbilly” Hugye, one of the nicest players in the league and a great addition to a team if you’re looking to cook up a full pig. Hugye is there to balance out the intensity of Kris “Intensity in 10 Cities” Habjan. Habber is a great guy to pick if you need the most intense guy in the room to score one goal. Finally you get T.J. “The Closer, but is he”? Hatton. T.J. is a good mix of the previous two picks, great room guy, but also has some of that famous Habjan intensity. They’ll score the same amount of goals.

Habjan follows this “all natural, this much rage is normal” training regime

In the final three rounds, the Legends grabbed goalie and most improved player Drewbie ‘The Newbie” Milkovich, TJVB, and Henry “Chixdigit” Weins. I’m not sure what you want me to say here. Drewbie is looking to climb the ranks of the goalie charts, Weins captained the Welland Blue Stars to a Christmas Classic Championship, and TJVB exists.

This team is 100% mid. Good isn’t good enough, the bad is too bad for a championship and the leadership is…let’s say…temperamental.

Prediction – 7th Place