3 – Dain City Dusters

Moving down the draft ladder to number three, we find Brian Bazawhatever and The Dain City Dusters. Last season was a chaotic one with the relocation rumours surrounding the team all season, Once the Dain City Bridge was taken down, the tavern closed a short time later and the Dusters found fans tough to come by. The rumours of Fonthill and Fenwick trying to lure the Dusters to secure a second team in the LOS area code plagued the team all season. A good playoff run had the Dusters missing out on the championship by 1 goal in the third tiebreaker. A heartbreaking end for a rollercoaster season, but the Dusters are dusted off and ready to have their hearts broken once again.

Baz likes to build his teams from the top down. Baz will ride shotgun with the top line center, because he, much like Jon Campbell, has a strong aversion to his own zone. In order to make up for his case of defensivitis, Baz will play with a center that can cover both center and right wing in his own zone. Once the center does all that work he can find Baz on the wing near the opponents blue line and that’s where he does the most damage. Baz can snipe. Say what you will about him, you can say he’s big, dumb, and ugly, but boy can he snipe. Last year Ryan Bering the Dusters first round pick was the poor bastard who had to carry Baz on his back. Bering was having a strong season, playing on the same team as his brother Carl “Good To See You” Bering until the two were forced to the long term IR.

Moving down the depth chart Baz iced a second line featuring CBoz and Dusso. Opponents said the two would just appear out of a cloud of reefer and bury four goals on you. CBoz and Deuce,. along with Chicken, Baz, and Habber were strong contributors to the Dusters league leading parking lot presence. As the Steelers draft for the room, the Dusters draft for the lot. The two are very similar, but different.

Baz tried to copy the Leafs (because of all their playoff success) third line of Spezza, Thorton, and Simmonds, and make a third line of veterans, like Billy “BiPolar” Topolinski, and Kevin “Nothing Sucks Like A” Dyson. He also added the two time King Street Cup Champion, the two time WNHL All Star Champion, and the future first round hall of famer Scotty Legend. The trio formed a grind line and worked the corners like Julia Roberts. A full grinding season takes it’s toll and B Top after missing several games through the season retired at the end of the year, Dyson is spending his summer as a statistician for the Jr. Jackfish, while Scotty Legend is getting drunk and high waiting for the next season to start.

So what does Baz do this year? He picked the best offensive player in the draft last year and still ended up on the outside looking in. Does he come out of the gates with a defenceman? For years Baz has relied on Chicken to anchor his defence and together with Dryden formed a strong top pairing. Once Carl Bering was placed on the IR, the second pairing became a problem for the Dusters, as Le Grand Alain was left back there to be paired with Gavin “Should Probably Get Tested” Sardella, who is being held together with duct tape at this point. I don’t think Baz cares enough about defence to pick one in the first round, and he really loves first line centers.

Prediction: Ryan Bering

2 – Townline Tunnelers

Craig “Sheiko” Laro returns as GM of the Townline Tunnelers, and this time he comes swinging about the biggest dick you’ve ever seen. He was last seen slinging it over his shoulder and wearing it like a scarf. The Tunnelers of course are the reigning King Street Cup Champions, and will be the target all year. They are in the number two (ha!) slot (haha) on our draft board. Let’s take a look at what we might expect this year from the Tunnelers.

Last year Laro picked number one and obviously turned that into a championship. He began by anchoring his team with former MVP Alan Cockell and later reunited him with the only other original two timer, Chris “Back to Back” Woods. Together they both ended up on top the leaderboard, and Woods added to his impressive resume by bringing home the Andy Bosak award. (Just for the record I played on a wing with these two and had career high goals and assists. 14 of each. Just saying. I was the Kevin Stevens of the WNHL). Say what you will about the volatility of the pair the two bastards win games.

Laro showed his keen scouting eye last year by picking Brian “Eat the Rich” Barker and Kevin “Already talked about his accolades” Wright in the middle rounds of the draft. This was 100% the result of him scouting really well and not result of him knowing the two previously and having them sandbag in the prospect game. Laro just has a much stronger eye for hockey talent then his fellow GM’s.

It’s time to look at the GM and his role on the team, and last year Laro surrounded himself with the best defensive core since the 2005 Steelers, who won SuperBowl XL. Hey, did I ever tell you that I was there? I hardly ever mention it. Anywho, aside from himself Laro added Kevin “Done talking about him” Wright, Colin “Cookie” Cook, and Lance Romance. Lance has been around and we all know what he can do, I mean how can you miss him? (Paco should have missed him). He’s back there with Cook, who is walks the line of being a “try hard” but not being a dick. Full disclosure, I did draft 2 of the four defenceman to my WNHL Xmas Classic Championship team. With these four defencemen you could have had your mother playing in net and still would have won. Just for fun though, you know, just for shit and gigs, they added Colin Nunn for the playoffs.

So where does that leave the Tunnelers going into year one of their title defence? There are no keepers in the WNHL,, but I don’t see any reason to change course. Time to run it back like your “Fast” WIllie Parker the starting running back on the 2005 Superbowl winning Pittsburgh Steelers.

Prediction: Cockell

Well here we are again on the precipice of greatness. The WNHL has expanded faster than my waistline, and we find ourselves staring down a season of eight teams vying for the greatest trophy in beer league hockey, The King Street Cup. We’ve also gone right off the rails and included goalies in the draft, because apparently goalies have feelings too. Who knew right? This year promises so much more, as we welcome members from the call up list to their full time spot as well as the return of the great unwashed from their season banishment. (and you thought it was impossible to think less of Kellman).

However, before we hit the ice and get a chance to drink and skate and then drink again, we need to establish allegiances. How else will you know who to hate for one hour on Wednesday nights? The battle lines will be drawn on August 24th, at the Rex Hotel. Welcome to the WNHL draft preview.

1 – The Atlas Steelers

After stumbling into the finals last year (only to get lit up like Podio at the golf tourney by the Townline Tunnelers), Jon Campbell returns as GM for the Steelers and sits atop the draft board with the number one overall pick. Will he continue his trend of picking only Fonthill players because of his strong belief that people from Fonthill are better than everyone? Who’s to say? What we can say, is that he will be without he fellow “better than you crew” Mike Podio as he’ll be seated at the same table as a GM of the Rose City Hockey Club, and you can bet he’ll have his big ol bear paws in the 892 honey pot.

So how does Campbell handle the pressure of having the number one spot without the Fonthill safety net? WIll he be forced to diversify and draft outside L0S area code? Will he draft Sinclair in the number one spot like some sort of weird unwashed safety blanket? How high is he willing to go to draft Haist to fulfil the Fenwick quota that seems to exist on the Steelers?

The Atlas Steelers are an Original Four franchise, and the inaugural King Street Cup champion, and Campbell, while not the original owner, has taken over the franchise and installed a “room first” philosophy. This has led to moderate success on the ice, but hall of fame level parking lots. So what does that mean having the number one overall? Last year’s number one pick was Cockell, who wins championships, but is prone to Cockell snap outs.

Campbell has to know that Craig Laro is right behind him at two who took Cockell at one last year leading to…well…this.

The other factor to consider when writing the draft previews is the the play of the GM himself. There is no doubt that Campbell is an offensive threat, scoring The King Street Cup winning goal is 2018. (Which denied me my three peat, and thus the above picture). Campbell also plays defence like he’s following Covid guide lines on the ice, by staying six feet away from the puck.

He’s going to need somebody to play on their own side of the blue line and somebody who can feed him tape to tape passes from goal line to blue line, as well as somebody who will fit it to a Steelers style room.

Prediction: Kevin Wright. A puck moving defenceman who controls the play, last years rookie of the year, Girardi award winner, Christmas Classic champion and KIng Street Cup champion. That’s quite a resume for a first year player. He’s like Dalton 2.0. (Suck it original Dalton).

Stay Tuned for part 2.